Happiness Makes Time For Those Who Make Time For Themselves.

What we see on the outside often mirrors what we believe is dwelling inside. We understand a smile represents a happy person but seldom do we consider that the reserve might be true. An outward expression can also communicate what is missing within.
The soul cries out for attention while the ego fears vulnerability will be treated with further alienation. But at what cost is it worth appearing alive on the outside, albeit dying within?

A person that is happy with company but unhappy when alone, is not a happy person.

While it might be common to assume that loneliness and being alone fall from the same tree, loneliness is better categorised as one of the potential emotions that can derive from being alone. But that doesn’t necessarily suggest that being alone connotes an emotional imbalance, but rather the opposite.

When we are alone we are in the best position to measure and assess our overall wellbeing. Absent of life’s distractions, we’re forced to tune in to our inner world. There we are faced with our inner thoughts and inner feeling’s reverberatory need to be heard — not by others, but by you. If you’re not used to spending time with yourself, you might experience an unusual degree of dissonance when spending time alone with yourself. This can often lead to the need for external attention, which can momentarily offer solace. However, this should never be mistaken for a solution.

Some of us are in constant pursuit of relationships just to end the loneliness. But it’s our obsession with social media that is becoming the most virulent relationship of all.

Social media is the new escapism outlet.
People aren’t always sharing their problems to be understood. They are often sharing their problems to be heard. They believe that attention is a cure.

But these people are no stranger to the knowledge that numbing the pain doesn’t get rid of the problem. It only makes it more palpable.

Being alone is self-productive. 

Being able to exercise our vulnerability can help us avoid depressive states brought on by an accumulation of our worries.  But before we share our problems, we should equipped them with a self-purpose; to be understood and to obtain a better understanding of how we can overcome the feeling that follows us wherever we go.

It helps to review the last couple of weeks on a frequent basis:

  • What have I achieved during this time?
  • What have I found difficult in the past week?
  • How can I improve on this in the upcoming weeks?
  • Why was I feeling angry last Thursday?

We are but a growing story deep inside an even bigger novel, and the last thing you want to happen is to be left behind in your own story.


This should serve as a reminder that true happiness comes from within and not in the form of short lived feelings that dissipate once the experience is over. Be the type of person that doesn’t seek happiness but instead acquires the ability to become happiness at will.

A must read if you have more pressing concerns around depression:  HAPPINESS: DEFENDING AGAINST THE ONSET OF DEPRESSION

What’s Missing Is You

Journey down the stairwell of your past, take a left at ‘My Ideal Partner’ and then keep to the right until you reach the crossroads between your values and insecurities. If you make a daunting right and head straight on ‘Things I Refuse To Deal With Lane’, you’ll eventually arrive at your most visited destination, Egoville. If you can muster enough resolved to venture beyond that, then you’ll rediscover the forgotten but indispensable manuscript titled ‘My Ideal Self’.


A frequent visit from the same feelings should be recognized as an internal tip off, albeit the sensation is often interpreted as ‘something missing’. This subtle misconception sparks our quest for completion via materialistic and romantic gain. The premise for false perception has been set, because beneath our experience-derived behaviours, we are not searching for completion. We are searching for fulfilment.

Psychoanalyse Adam Phillips writes:

“All love stories are frustration stories… To fall in love is to be reminded of a frustration that you didn’t know you had.”

Growth equally distributes the paradoxical outcome of having learnt more about oneself while exposing us to the undiscovered treasures of our personality. We are plagued by a pathological imbalance whereby we have become too familiar with acquiring knowledge from a surface position that understands only love and hate, but doesn’t dare to question the intricacies of interest and discomfort. Everything we currently know about ourselves is no different to our field of vision — we can only see what we are focused on. And it is this cynical driven focus that drives out the necessary duality that gives birth to beyond biological growth.

If the feeling that surrounds the constants of “something is missing” is attributed to an external notion, then I pose this question to you: Are you not enough?

Phillip writes:

“We fall in love not just with a person wholly external to us but with a fantasy of how that person can fill what is missing from our interior lives.”

What we crave more than physical and aesthetical satisfaction is internal fulfilment — the nuances of “I want something deeper…something more meaningful”.
We address our romantic encounters with a fantasy like template, measuring their capacity to do what the last experience failed in. But often do we become lost in the fantasy that results in failure that can no longer be attributed to anyone but ourselves.

Some people pursue relationships to end being alone. But it is almost impossible to understand self if you do not possess the patience to spend time with yourself. So while their definition of happiness is momentarily in the hands of other person, I would argue that perhaps they’re trying to escape themselves, when they’re the missing piece their life longs for.



A little bit about me.

Check out my partner’s new blog! She’ll be writing about all things Yoga, Nutrition and Wellbeing!



Growing up, I was always quite a peculiar child. From my inquisitive mind, the films I liked watching, my dress sense, to the foods which I enjoyed eating. I was rarely in uniform with my peers and thankfully this is not something I wished would change.

My mother often tells me stories from my youth. A funny one is that I used to enjoy watching sumo wrestling at the tender age of 1 and actually wanted to become a Sumo wrestler.

With this in mind, it is no secret that I was an active child. My interests went from being a Sumo wrestler to a stunt woman. I was often found creating my own stunt circuits jumping, climbing, hanging & tumbling from anything that would have me.

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Post Industrial Economy: Reclaiming your creative mind

“Creativity is the birthright of every human being” – Chairmain Kato

The industrial economy for most is very much the only reality that exists. These people perceive their working life as intended by those that shaped the educational institutions they were reformed from. The industrial economy refers to a historic method of working whereby companies created machines that required people to operate them. At the time, people were considered invaluable cogs to the results of ideas that ameliorated the state of the economy. Fast forward to today, the consumer is being familiarised with a robotic era in which you’re greeted by an automated entity in customer services, self-service checkouts and delivery drones. People in the workplace are becoming obsolete. But I can no longer see this as a bad thing. In fact, it is necessary.

There has been a shift in what is considered invaluable, and while that may no longer be people, it’s their ideas that hold the meaningful key to tomorrow’s growing economy. There’s been no better time to reclaim your creative mind!

We have just arrived on the other side of Mental Health Awareness week. I had the luxury of hearing a story from a doctor who traded in his stethoscope for a more meaningful approach to helping his clients.

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Chairman Kato pictures in the red sofa

Chairman Kato’s creative mind manifests in the form of painting, photography, installations and music but he described how his experience within the medical industry didn’t allow his creativity to surface as freely as he desired. He has delivered a talk called ‘The Art of Career Suicide’. I believe Kato’s story is one we can all resonate with but with it brings a conflict between the pursuit of happiness and security.

My appreciation for Kato’s transition lies in how he continued to use his art to help people rediscover their creative self. This just goes to show that what you might consider your purpose can have more than one form. But it’s left to us to explore the form that best supports our wellbeing. I believe Kato’s mentoring and coaching can be beneficial to those wishing to unleash their creativity.

Our time is money but many of us are being undervalued. Financial security is just as important as a good work ethic is to help maintain our lives, but that doesn’t mean we should become robots or rechargeable batteries that are so easily replaced. Tenure has no place in a post industrial economy. The idea of being given security has become a palpable illusion.

My work involves helping people who suffer from anxiety, depression and an array of mental and physical disorders, and do you know what they consider the biggest risk to their health? Work.

I see friends and family overworked to the extent where they believe collapsing on the commute to work is normal or their anxiety and depression is self inflicted. This has got to change! If our jobs plays such a major role in the state of our wellbeing, perhaps it’s time we revaluate how we function in our roles or better yet, reclaim our creative mind so that we can create an environment better suited to work in.

Special thanks to Ana Seferovic for inviting me to the talk.

If you or someone you know is suffering with depression, this is a MUST READ: Happiness: Defending against the onset of depression

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Consent: Is It Really That Simple?

I agree with Project Consent’s campaign highlighting the “unnecessary conversations” around the topic of consent. So let’s recap:

  • If she says yes, then go for it!
  • If she says no, then sheath your sword solider!

While spontaneity is often welcomed and desired in this dance we call sex, I’d like to think that we would all agree that sex is a journey and not a destination. The significance of looking at sex in this way is that the emphasis is not solely on the end result but rather the circumstances, actions and decisions that inevitably lead to a particular outcome. If we viewed the point in which an apology would surface in this manner, the authenticity of an apology would be questionable if one did not take responsibility for the actions that ultimately warrant it.

The Journey

Consent is simple. A lot of women would like to think that a number of men have a problem with understanding consent (I’m sure some do). Celebrity R&B singer and actor Tyrese Gibson hosts a relationship show with Rev Run, ‘It’s Not You, It’s Men’, which was recently criticized after their star guest Amber Rose had to provide them with a cutthroat lesson on consent. (see video below)

“No means no” are the words circulating the internet, and I couldn’t agree more! But there’s usually more than meets the eye when it comes to a certain type of sexual exchange.
There are a profuse number of women who use their bodies (sexually) to attain material goods (clothes, shoes, food, money etc) and services from men. Similarly, there are men that provide women with goods and services such as a date with the intention of receiving sex in exchange. Since prostitution is one of the world’s most ancient professions, this exchange in addition to more subtle versions isn’t breaking news to the people of the world.

Quick History Lesson: In the middle ages, prostitution in some cultures were deemed necessary as it helped prevent behaviors that were viewed upon as “greater evils”, such as rape, sodomy and masturbation. It was still regarded sinful by the Roman Catholic Church, and even today it is still collectively frowned upon.
Fun Fact: not to mention that male prostitution was just as common an female prostitution in many cultures!

Now I personally know a fair number of men who date in a manner that implies intent through flirtatious and sexual behavior. Equivalently, I know women who are aware of a man’s implied intent, and will consciously allow this behavior to continue, because so long as the man believes that he will be rewarded sexually, he’ll keep rewarding her materialistically. However, because this is not prostitution, per se, the woman doesn’t always intend to offer up sex as part of this exchange. But saying “no” early is likely to harm her prospect of reward.
Imagine working at a job you hate but you’re up for your yearly bonus review. As you hand in your performance appraisal, in the section that asks, “what are your objectives for next year”, you willingly leave out the fact that once you receive your bonus, you have absolutely no intention of remaining in the company!
So in the realm of sexual exchange between man and woman, if she has no intention of offering something sexual, then refusing consent would probably be more effective as a last resort. Until then, the journey of this exchange is driven by implied consent.

Implied consent

“Implied consent is consent which is not expressly granted by a person, but rather implicitly granted by a person’s actions and the facts and circumstances of a particular situation (or in some cases, by a person’s silence or inaction).”


In a world where ‘apparently’ nobody cares about what someone thinks about them, your words and behaviors becomes everything when it comes to implied consent. Sexual assault cases have been kicked out of court because the victim’s actions were deemed to have implied consent.

Everything mentioned above is less about blaming people and more about individuals taking more responsibility over their own actions. And though it may be true that we can’t always control someone else’s actions, your body language is always acting on your behalf when it comes to implied consent.


Being a man myself,  I have been on the receiving end of a “no”. There have also been instances where I have had to exercise the use of the word “no” (even if I regretted it the next day)! But if there is one thing my experiences have taught me, its that a woman’s uncertainty can be mistaken for a green light. Most men would prefer not to question noticeable ‘awkward’ behaviors because the other head is making the decisions, but communication is an often overlooked skill during sex.

Communication leading up to sex needn’t always be ‘dirty’ or sexual in nature. It can be compassionate and considerate; “are you okay?”, “tell me if you want me to stop”. I believe as men, we have a responsibility to ensure we are communicating as much as possible during these such an exchange, as it helps to ensure that the act itself is genuine and mutually enjoyable.

So let’s recap again:

  • If she say’s yes, then go for it!
  • If she say’s no, then sheath your sword solider!
  • Implied consent can be misleading especially when you are entertaining their implied intent.
  • Communication is imperative to ensure both parties are comfortable and on the same page.

So there is more to consent than yes and no! Perhaps there is a need for reform in sex education classes. But until then,  I guess we’re going to have to be an example for the younger generation through educating ourselves first!

Charles Rare (Rare Thoughts)
Instagram: @Rare_Thoughts
Email: charles.rarethoughts@gmail.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ararethought

Mac Cosmetics Fans: A Face of Racism Beneath The Makeup


Above is a photo of Kylie Jenner following her “temporary” lip filler/injection procedure.
This and many more of her pictures that exhibit her ‘fuller’ lips were at the center of praise, inspiration and envy among her fans.


This is what appears to be a model wearing Mac makeup backstage a New York Fashion week show. The photo was uploaded to @maccosmetics’s instagram page, but unlike Kylie’s lips, this photo brought to the surface a racial onslaught against the image.

Racism has many faces but they all share the same heart. I have noticed that a lot of black women I know or have met through different walks of life have something in common; they constantly have to affirm that their beauty and features are acceptable. Why? Because they live and have been raised in a society that doesn’t accept them. As a man that favors the melanin beauty as a reflection of his own, my soul is grieved with each new story of a black woman’s beauty that has been buried under the universal aesthetic of beauty in western society.

You would think that the death of a race’s beauty would be enough, but western culture has a reputation for taking everything you own and claiming it as its own.

While it might be common knowledge that descendants of African culture tend to have larger lips, hips or overall features in general, a large consensus seem to be more comfortable in validating such features when associated with non-colored individuals as demonstrated in the above pictures. Is beauty’s preference in today’s culture as artificial as the makeup people wear?

You’ve probably not noticed that I’ve made a conscious effort to refer to racism as a cultural responsibility rather than name shaming the individuals that speak such hateful words. This is because racism is a form of cultural conditioning that subconsciously governs the behaviors and thoughts of the masses raised in a particular environment. It’s normal to picture our environment as our immediate surroundings but to truly understand your environment, you must think about everything your mind has been exposed to from the moment you were able to learn. This would include the books you read when you were a toddler, the media and advertisements that depict what’s in trend, what is beautiful and through lack of exposure, what isn’t.

As humans we identify with what we are familiar with. That to which we aren’t makes us uncomfortable. This is why a baby will often cry when it is picked up by someone else other than the people it sees everyday – it views you as unfamiliar therefore it is uncomfortable. So if the media and advertisement campaigns have for many decades associated beauty with Caucasian/lighter skinned individuals, perhaps we can begin to see this face of racism as a reaction of the misinformed.


I am tired of observing misinformed people destroying themselves for what they’re not born with, and then attempting to destroy others for what they are born with.

Beauty is where one of the many faces of racism resides. There is a need for more diversity in beauty, encouragement to accept our natural beauty, and less dependency on the media and advertisements to depict what it means to be beautiful.

This is a video that has touched that hearts of many, with an aim of reconnecting you with your natural beauty once again:

Charles Rare (Rare Thoughts)
Instagram: @Rare_Thoughts
Email: charles.rarethoughts@gmail.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ararethought

Filtering The Natural Back Into Beauty

“Filtering The Natural Back Into Beauty” is a project that aims to speaks substance to every man and woman that has been conditioned to believe beauty only exists through the use of makeup.
The project aims to inspire all hidden beauty to surface from the shadows of makeup.
Makeup has its purpose as an enhancer of natural beauty, and there’s nothing wrong with that, but the first step to destroying beauty is by hiding it.

The Misinterpretation of Loneliness

Like many others, man is a social creature. But we spend vast amounts of our time observing other people from the sidelines while they engage in an activity we were designed to participate in. Observing from the sidelines has become an activity in itself! Just moments ago, I was scrolling aimlessly through my Facebook timeline (as you do), having lost interest in the timelines that of Instagram and Twitter. Once I grew weary of Facebook, I closed the app and moved on to the next. In less then 2 seconds of closing the app, I had instinctively reopened Facebook again. This was no accident, and it wasn’t the first occurrence either. This behavior was not indicative of poor use of time but more so a deficit in something integral to our daily active lives: social activity.

While it was true that my day had been productive, it had been inefficient. To help you understand this, I’ll provide you with a scenario that most of us are all too well familiar with: a high output of productivity with a low intake of food. I think we can all agree that no matter how busy you have been, if you do not eat a sufficient amount throughout the day, you’ll be impeding your health which in turn, impacts on your productivity. Correspondingly, social activity is food for the soul, but we are at risk of serving up a distasteful alternative.

The social apps on our phones and tablets missed out an crucial point when using the word “social” – it takes place in real-time. I have conversed with many people who admit to mindlessly scrolling through their phone no matter where they might be. Bare with me while I briefly digress: Parasites are interesting creatures. They first infect the host, whom is often unaware of its presence, and pretty much live in/on the host rent free. Some species even manipulate the brain of their host by causing them to commit suicide in water so that they can reproduce. If you think that’s shocking, I’ve seen mobile phones manipulate people into finding plug sockets (even at weddings) so they can “charge” their phone for more mindless scrolling.

How can we be at an event where we need only ‘be’ to elicit social activity, and still find ourselves craving connection via the online world?

The truth is we are lonely. Not because of our environment’s state, but because many of us are deprived of the state encourages us to rise from our newly found (online) comfort zone. We are addicted to connection and no longer familiar with interaction, because in a world where we are rewarded and validated for every action we make, it has become easier to be who we think we are as opposed to who we really are.

Being alone is a choice. Loneliness is the deprivation of a social life.


smartphone prisoner

Rare Thoughts