Category Archives: On Relationships

Wounds Present Opportunity

Wounds present opportunity. But we more than often look upon them as an incurable disease. I am (like all of us) a perpetrator of hurt and a victim of hurt. There are areas of my divine being that still hurt today, and my being human predisposes me to being hurt tomorrow. All because wounds present opportunity.

If you take credit for your growth then you must also assume accountability for your weakening. A life lived in absence of pain is a life absent of the need to become stronger.
Contrary to common belief, Continue reading Wounds Present Opportunity

Do You Keep Falling For Their Potential?

The problem isn’t that we’ve all been there. The problem is that some of us are still there and have no idea how to break the cycle.

Is there more to falling for someone’s potential?
Is there a way to identify the type of potential that meets us halfway?
How do we measure true potential?
When do I call it quits?
Well I hope I answer these questions and more in the video above.

If you like what you’ve watched and would like to see more, SUBSCRIBE, SHARE, LIKE and let me know what you would like me to talk on!

A Kiss Laced With Purpose

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On purpose and with purpose, not each to his own.
A man knows why he places his lips upon a woman’s own.
And although his intentions may be unknown to her,
A kiss is evidence that his intentions are far from a blur.

Charles Rare
Therapist & Writer
Instagram & Twitter: Rare_Thoughts
Email: charles.rarethoughts@gmail.com

A Depreciating Love

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We’re so quick to say we love money, cars, clothes and food but hesitation finds our tongue when it comes to saying we love another person. We’re more likely to say we love a picture of someone but loving that SOMEONE doesn’t seem to be within our capability.

Have we fallen so far down that we are only capable of loving momentarily? With that being said, is it a surprise that we place our love in all things temporary in nature?

Loving someone is easy when you’ve learned to love who you are without all you have. Because to practice a self-love without conditions bound to materialism allows you to view others in the same light you view yourself in.

Love increases in value over time, not loses it. So if your love is depreciating, then the question remains, “what are you loving?”

Charles Rare

The Strong & The Weak: Foundations of Relationships

We live in a world of “ideals”. Some women ideally want a man with a well paid job but doesn’t work too much, has street cred’ but isn’t a thug, and is capable of providing her with undivided attention without smothering her…hmm. On the other had, some men ideally want a woman who makes her own money but just not more than what he makes, a lady that cooks, cleans and can attend to the kids while still managing to look like a victoria secrets model, and a woman who is a freak in the bedroom but virtually still a virgin.
Yes. Our ideals are conflicting so there isn’t much of a surprise why there is so much conflicting expectations in relationships today.

Settling down with someone whom you might have a few things in common with such as being tattoo enthusiasts or you’ve both managed to dedicate your time in rounding up 21k+ followers on instagram isn’t enough to sustain a long, healthy and strong relationship.

The big difference between an having an “Idea” of what you want and an having an “Ideal” expectation is that an “ideal” is a standard that only accommodates perfection. So when someone speaks of having an ideal relationship, they could literally paint out a picture of this relationship, and the key part here is that the relationship they are looking for HAS to look exactly like the picture in their mind. An “Idea” on the other hand is a concept. A vague thought or better yet an understanding. When a person has an idea of what they want in a relationship, they are somewhat open to new experiences or a new way of thinking so long as it runs parallel with the values they stand by.

I mentioned above that unlike an “ideal”, an “idea” is an understanding which derives from what someone NEEDS in/from a relationship as oppose to an “ideal” which is usually based on what someone WANTS in/from a relationship.

So the reason it’s more beneficial to have an idea of what want or in other words, an idea of what you believe a relationship should consist of is because it inspires you to focus on what you need in/from a relationship rather than what you want. Ultimately, what you need eventually becomes what you want whereas what you want isn’t always going to become what you need.

 The type of love you seek can also be determined by the type of love you have previously received.

In the unfortunate event that the love one seeks cannot be found, people then turn to substitutes. I have found that women tend to place an expiry date on themselves for procreative reasons and because of this; they’re likely to settle before a certain age because they have not found the love they were looking for. Another example of substituting can be family pressure. Individuals are less likely to part with a person because they have become acquainted the family but this shouldn’t be used as a reason to stay with someone if they are not what you need in love.

So how does all relate to the foundations of relationships?

Once you understand what you need in a relationship, you begin to think of how to get it. And a fundamental aspect of getting what need is becoming what you need. So in short, the key to attaining what you need in/from a relationship is by understanding yourself.

The strength of a foundation is determined by what is built upon it. Having things in common are the foundations for friendships but having values in common are the foundations for relationships. Friendship itself can act as a foundation but if you attempt to build a relationship upon having things in common (you know, too much too soon), you might find that the relationship collapses pretty fast. The pain you feel after such a break up doesn’t stem from love but rather your poor skills as an architect for relationships.

Love is only dying because people fail to fill themselves with love, and instead look for substitutes in the wrong places and people. The more values you have in common increases the chances of a sustaining a strong relationships. Values stand as two people who choose to take the same path at crossroads during their relationship. They are the decision to deal with conflicts that occur in a similar manner. If respect is important to a couple, then even in the most heated moments of their journey together, they’ll still hold each other in high respect and communicate respectfully. On the other hand, we all know what happens when you call your lady a “b***h” out of anger…

With this in mind, get to know your interest with haste but progress with patience. Values aren’t something someone can simply tell you they have. It’s something you need to see them living out with consistency.

The Fault In Our Unconditional Love

You see, I’m a believer in a leopard changing it’s spots. In fact, to put the correctly, I’m a believer in reading that the spots that some people wear are momentary existences within an even bigger existence I refer to as their life. If you don’t believe in growth, change and looking upon people with present and not past eyes, then I pity you. I pity you because I now see how you look at yourself. And what a lonely world it must be to be a slave to your own past.

Everyone has an old wardrobe. Clothes that tell stories of where they have been, what they have done and even what they used to like. Some of us are embarrassed of our old wardrobe. We look at the clothes that still linger like… “daaamn” I can’t believe I used to wear clothes like that. But we laugh it off. Why? Because we live for the clothes we wear today.

Change the way you view yourself and you’ll change the way you view others. Change the way you view others and you’ll change the way you view yourself. But always begin with the former. That’s where the true challenge and change lies. And then maybe, just maybe, you’ll catch a slight glimmer of what it would be like to truly love unconditionally. 

The Vows You Made Before You Were Born

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Photo Credit: http://www.shamaneyes.net

“Till death do us part” – a quote taken from the common book of prayers and readily remembered as part of the vows two people make during a wedding ceremony. It’s meaning? It signifies the spiritual union of two souls up until one of spouses ceases to live on this earth. I guess it makes perfect sense. During the time of your life here on earth, your soul is bound to the living world but when you pass, your soul transcends to the next stage of life. In line with ones wedding ceremony, the promise was kept. This is undoubtedly subject to what you believe, but what do you believe?

Continue reading The Vows You Made Before You Were Born

The 21st Century Method of Finding A Partner Is Flawed

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What you want and what you get don’t always share the same boat. We’re a funny bunch. We’ll often rule something out before exploring the possibilities. Why is this silly? Because we’re beings of experience! Continue reading The 21st Century Method of Finding A Partner Is Flawed

Agree To Understand

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Agree to disagree? 
Sure! 
But next time, 
Let’s agree to understand! 

We don’t have to agree with someone to understand them. In fact, whether we agree or not, it doesn’t really matter when you think about it. Understanding is a process. It can happen over a period of minutes, hours, days, weeks or even months!
Take a look at it from this angle. Continue reading Agree To Understand