Journey down the stairwell of your past, take a left at ‘My Ideal Partner’ and then keep to the right until you reach the crossroads between your values and insecurities. If you make a daunting right and head straight on ‘Things I Refuse To Deal With Lane’, you’ll eventually arrive at your most visited destination, Egoville. If you can muster enough resolved to venture beyond that, then you’ll rediscover the forgotten but indispensable manuscript titled ‘My Ideal Self’. Continue reading What’s Missing Is You
We’re so quick to say we love money, cars, clothes and food but hesitation finds our tongue when it comes to saying we love another person. We’re more likely to say we love a picture of someone but loving that SOMEONE doesn’t seem to be within our capability.
Have we fallen so far down that we are only capable of loving momentarily? With that being said, is it a surprise that we place our love in all things temporary in nature?
Loving someone is easy when you’ve learned to love who you are without all you have. Because to practice a self-love without conditions bound to materialism allows you to view others in the same light you view yourself in.
Love increases in value over time, not loses it. So if your love is depreciating, then the question remains, “what are you loving?”
We live in a world of “ideals”. Some women ideally want a man with a well paid job but doesn’t work too much, has street cred’ but isn’t a thug, and is capable of providing her with undivided attention without smothering her…hmm. On the other had, some men ideally want a woman who makes her own money but just not more than what he makes, a lady that cooks, cleans and can attend to the kids while still managing to look like a victoria secrets model, and a woman who is a freak in the bedroom but virtually still a virgin.
Yes. Our ideals are conflicting so there isn’t much of a surprise why there is so much conflicting expectations in relationships today.
Settling down with someone whom you might have a few things in common with such as being tattoo enthusiasts or you’ve both managed to dedicate your time in rounding up 21k+ followers on instagram isn’t enough to sustain a long, healthy and strong relationship.
The big difference between an having an “Idea” of what you want and an having an “Ideal” expectation is that an “ideal” is a standard that only accommodates perfection. So when someone speaks of having an ideal relationship, they could literally paint out a picture of this relationship, and the key part here is that the relationship they are looking for HAS to look exactly like the picture in their mind. An “Idea” on the other hand is a concept. A vague thought or better yet an understanding. When a person has an idea of what they want in a relationship, they are somewhat open to new experiences or a new way of thinking so long as it runs parallel with the values they stand by.
I mentioned above that unlike an “ideal”, an “idea” is an understanding which derives from what someone NEEDS in/from a relationship as oppose to an “ideal” which is usually based on what someone WANTS in/from a relationship.
So the reason it’s more beneficial to have an idea of what want or in other words, an idea of what you believe a relationship should consist of is because it inspires you to focus on what you need in/from a relationship rather than what you want. Ultimately, what you need eventually becomes what you want whereas what you want isn’t always going to become what you need.
The type of love you seek can also be determined by the type of love you have previously received.
In the unfortunate event that the love one seeks cannot be found, people then turn to substitutes. I have found that women tend to place an expiry date on themselves for procreative reasons and because of this; they’re likely to settle before a certain age because they have not found the love they were looking for. Another example of substituting can be family pressure. Individuals are less likely to part with a person because they have become acquainted the family but this shouldn’t be used as a reason to stay with someone if they are not what you need in love.
So how does all relate to the foundations of relationships?
Once you understand what you need in a relationship, you begin to think of how to get it. And a fundamental aspect of getting what need is becoming what you need. So in short, the key to attaining what you need in/from a relationship is by understanding yourself.
The strength of a foundation is determined by what is built upon it. Having things in common are the foundations for friendships but having values in common are the foundations for relationships. Friendship itself can act as a foundation but if you attempt to build a relationship upon having things in common (you know, too much too soon), you might find that the relationship collapses pretty fast. The pain you feel after such a break up doesn’t stem from love but rather your poor skills as an architect for relationships.
Love is only dying because people fail to fill themselves with love, and instead look for substitutes in the wrong places and people. The more values you have in common increases the chances of a sustaining a strong relationships. Values stand as two people who choose to take the same path at crossroads during their relationship. They are the decision to deal with conflicts that occur in a similar manner. If respect is important to a couple, then even in the most heated moments of their journey together, they’ll still hold each other in high respect and communicate respectfully. On the other hand, we all know what happens when you call your lady a “b***h” out of anger…
With this in mind, get to know your interest with haste but progress with patience. Values aren’t something someone can simply tell you they have. It’s something you need to see them living out with consistency.
You see, I’m a believer in a leopard changing it’s spots. In fact, to put the correctly, I’m a believer in reading that the spots that some people wear are momentary existences within an even bigger existence I refer to as their life. If you don’t believe in growth, change and looking upon people with present and not past eyes, then I pity you. I pity you because I now see how you look at yourself. And what a lonely world it must be to be a slave to your own past.
Everyone has an old wardrobe. Clothes that tell stories of where they have been, what they have done and even what they used to like. Some of us are embarrassed of our old wardrobe. We look at the clothes that still linger like… “daaamn” I can’t believe I used to wear clothes like that. But we laugh it off. Why? Because we live for the clothes we wear today.
Change the way you view yourself and you’ll change the way you view others. Change the way you view others and you’ll change the way you view yourself. But always begin with the former. That’s where the true challenge and change lies. And then maybe, just maybe, you’ll catch a slight glimmer of what it would be like to truly love unconditionally.
First we’ll become friends. I’ll end up caring for you first because your past has misled you into loving with your mind and not your heart. In light of this, you’ll hide behind tall walls built to protect what remains of a fragile love, but your heart will become curious and ask your mind why it feels so at ease around me.
Your mind is led by logic, so it will give the heart a logical answer. It’ll separate what the heart feels from what it thinks, and side the team that loves with its eyes wide open. It’ll sacrifice an open heart for opened eyes, and I’ll remain a friend because your mind chose protection over affection.
Your decision was made.
I’ll become one of many guys that loved you temporarily and then found a more permanent love outside of what we could have had, while your heart remains permanently closed, blind to the love that continues to visit you temporarily.
So before I care for you, before this journey begins only to end, I ask that you care enough for yourself first. So that when loves shows it face again, and I’m no longer around to capture the love you whisper away, your heart will be remain open and resonant to what the eyes cannot see.
A personal insight into my mind, experiences and the things I tell myself as a man that has ultimately contributed to the man I am today.
I have two puzzle pieces that fit together perfectly. When you take them apart, you’ll realise that they aren’t equally the same. In fact, they are so different that they almost look like they wouldn’t fit the way they do. But they do. It’s because of the differences in shape and size that allow for a perfect fit – they are compatible. If one of the pieces changed to be equal to the other piece, they would clash at every corner.
Your eyes can be tainted by both the past that no longer exists and the future that does not yet exist. Some would say that past experiences help better ones judgement but ask a person who clothed what was new with what was old, and they’ll tell you that past experiences can also cloud ones judgment.
Take someone for who they are, and from that point, learn what you can about them. You might look at it as giving them a chance, but in reality, you’re actually giving yourself the chance you deserve.
So your vote still counts!
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Thank you in advance!
I guess the closest thing to a figurative Bible would be social media sites. I mean, the truth comes in as many shapes and sizes as men and women do. But isn’t that what is so beautiful about the truth – its subjective personality?
I didn’t design men or women so I can’t tell you what a real man or woman is. This is all subject to the culture, society, or part of the world you live in. In fact, if you remove environmental influences from the equation, its also subject to your own personal perspectives, and what you expect from others and why! Do you see how fluid like the truth is?
But I was asked a question earlier last week: Continue reading We’re All Real Men & Women
Its important to find yourself before you can even begin to find someone else. But that is exactly how to find someone else – by working on YOU.
Some say that love is a distraction, and they’re right because they’re dating people who are offering distractions. Continue reading Love Isn’t A Distraction