Journey down the stairwell of your past, take a left at ‘My Ideal Partner’ and then keep to the right until you reach the crossroads between your values and insecurities. If you make a daunting right and head straight on ‘Things I Refuse To Deal With Lane’, you’ll eventually arrive at your most visited destination, Egoville. If you can muster enough resolved to venture beyond that, then you’ll rediscover the forgotten but indispensable manuscript titled ‘My Ideal Self’.
A frequent visit from the same feelings should be recognized as an internal tip off, albeit the sensation is often interpreted as ‘something missing’. This subtle misconception sparks our quest for completion via materialistic and romantic gain. The premise for false perception has been set, because beneath our experience-derived behaviours, we are not searching for completion. We are searching for fulfilment.
Psychoanalyse Adam Phillips writes:
“All love stories are frustration stories… To fall in love is to be reminded of a frustration that you didn’t know you had.”
Growth equally distributes the paradoxical outcome of having learnt more about oneself while exposing us to the undiscovered treasures of our personality. We are plagued by a pathological imbalance whereby we have become too familiar with acquiring knowledge from a surface position that understands only love and hate, but doesn’t dare to question the intricacies of interest and discomfort. Everything we currently know about ourselves is no different to our field of vision — we can only see what we are focused on. And it is this cynical driven focus that drives out the necessary duality that gives birth to beyond biological growth.
If the feeling that surrounds the constants of “something is missing” is attributed to an external notion, then I pose this question to you: Are you not enough?
“We fall in love not just with a person wholly external to us but with a fantasy of how that person can fill what is missing from our interior lives.”
What we crave more than physical and aesthetical satisfaction is internal fulfilment — the nuances of “I want something deeper…something more meaningful”.
We address our romantic encounters with a fantasy like template, measuring their capacity to do what the last experience failed in. But often do we become lost in the fantasy that results in failure that can no longer be attributed to anyone but ourselves.
Some people pursue relationships to end being alone. But it is almost impossible to understand self if you do not possess the patience to spend time with yourself. So while their definition of happiness is momentarily in the hands of other person, I would argue that perhaps they’re trying to escape themselves, when they’re the missing piece their life longs for.
If you have never found it difficult to let go of someone, then you have never loved someone.
If we run down the list of most painful experiences in life, you are sure to find toothaches and by popular female demand, child birth. There will be one experience that is likely to go unnoticed and to some people it might be debatable but those who have loved or have come even remotely close to loving another person will agree that getting over someone isn’t just one of the most painful experiences in life, but is also in the top tier for one of the most difficult experiences in life. Continue reading Getting Over That Someone→
Who is someone else to tell you what you should believe, what you should say or not to mention, how you should act. We live in a city where people place more emphasis on the lives of others than their own. We are all individuals with individual lives, individual ambitions and individual paths in life.
It’s to my understanding that we currently live in a world where so long as you have no expectations, you have mentally signed a contract that protects you against disappointments. So in light of this, expectations are lowered, and in turn, or shall I say theoretically, we are less likely to be disappointed. The mistake men and women make during this process is that instead of lowering their expectations, they have high expectations for the opposite sex to disappoint. In contrast to common belief, most people that tend not to have expectations are those that cannot handle the pressures of being expected from. Continue reading Expectations Mirrored→
What’s the use in protecting or reserving something that no longer holds value? Sex is at the forefront of our world in a variety of forms, and with each form being readily accessible to many, it’s no surprise the value of sex has dropped… tremendously. Let’s begin with getting the good side to sex out of our systems. Continue reading Sex Is Overrated… But Only In The Wrong Context→